Post Baby Clothes Shopping

Today was 94°...the past week has been in the high 90's to 100°. So I had to go shopping for some new shorts-not a favorite of mine. I've always been a big girl. The last year of high school I really started packing on the pounds and it kept going until 2 summers after I graduated. I ended up at a size 18 and weighed 190 lbs. That summer I started working outside,running around with kids all day,watching what I ate and walking 3 miles at least twice a week. I dropped 50 lbs by the end of the summer and I was down to a size 11. I did great for a good 2 years, staying between 11-13,then I got pregnant. I stayed at a 13 until I was about 5 months and then I gained 14 lbs and had to start wearing 15's. At about 6 months I switched to maternity jeans to be more comfortable but I was watching my weight and staying where the doctor told me I needed to be. By the end of my pregnancy I had gained 34 lbs and weighed 209 lbs. After Paisley was born I instantly lost 19 lbs and was down to about 190. Now I know that I will drop the weight soon, I just barely got the ok to exercise a week ago and I gained the right weight for my beautiful daughter..But I still feel like I'm back to being the fat girl with the low self esteem and the fear of shopping for clothes. So today was hard for me. I was overly critical of every pair of shorts I tried on and cried alot and ended up leaving every store empty handed. This is going to be a long journey. It took me a long time to finally be comfortable in my body and now that I'm back to where I started out, I just feel like a failure.